Love and Fear

So I have been reading a lot of Emmett Fox and would recommend it to anyone who is seeking to establish or deepen their prayer life. In his sermons, as with other spiritual and metaphysical teachers, he speaks of the idea that God is Love. Please substitute any word you need to for God if that feels better to you…Source, Universal Spirit, Christ, Higher Power, ad infinite. Use whatever terminology allows you to tap into the idea of a Love so powerful that it cannot only create worlds, but it can offer such a life force that it can transform us, lift us higher and inspire us.

As Emmett Fox speaks of Love he also talks about the idea that the complete opposite of Love is Fear. As I read his words, I can’t help but apply it to human relationships especially romantic relationships which are really the greatest manifestation of both love and fear.

When we look at a relationship and deem it good it is usually because both people are operating from Love. Their focus is always on what they admire and respect in their partner and they hold each other in high regard. It generates feelings of well-being, contentment, joy and happiness that we then label as love.

The dilemma is that as human beings we struggle to stay “in love” and that is often because Fear steps in. Fears that range from being abandoned, criticized, hurt, being taken advantage of, making a mistake or worrying there may be something better out there. This Fear then begins to have us look at what’s missing, what’s wrong, what’s lacking in our relationships and all of a sudden a relationship that felt so good all of a sudden feels bad.

Codependency and dysfunctional relationships often operate in the belief that either you can use your Love to help your partner’s Fear or that you look at your partner in Fear hoping they will rescue you with Love. It doesn’t work and breeds only more Fear, insecurity, dissatisfaction and anxiety. The tension often builds to a point where one or more of the partners then decided they have “fallen out of love” and the relationship ends or worse continues with both just moving deeper into Fear trying to get the other to Love them.

It takes Bravery to stay in a relationship. My definition of Bravery is infusing the Fear with Love. It is human to become fearful, but it does not mean we have to stay in fear. It means that when we notice ourselves looking at lack, we recognize it as Fear and we then work to tap into Love.

Here’s the kicker…we cannot tap into someone else’s Love. We can only tap into our own Love which is the Divine that exists within us. It is The Love that when we connect with it, we can then look out through the eyes of Love and return to seeing our partners through those original lenses of positive regard.

When I work with couples, I tell them they are warriors. They are going to not only begin to understand their own inner Love and recognize their own Fears, but they will cultivate Bravery. They will learn how throughout their relationship they will take up the challenge and task of infusing their own Fears with Love. Not for the faint-hearted, but well worth the result!